Glory Be to Jesus Christ!
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The Lord Jesus Christ says, Whoever looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart
(Matt. V, 28). If a person is seeking a wife or husband, then, in light of these words, one might think that it is necessary to avoid lust in any form, because essentially it would be the sin of adultery. Consequently, one might believe that they need to look for a spouse who will not arouse desire in them. But is this really the correct understanding? Is it truly necessary to have such a paradoxical attitude towards marriage?
I believe we can turn to the Annunciation to the Most Holy Theotokos. The Archangel Gabriel said to the Virgin Mary, Rejoice, full of grace, the Lord is with you!
(Luke I, 28). Later, when she asked, How will this be, since I do not know a man?
(Luke I, 34), he replied, The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you
(Luke I, 35). I think there is a key here to understanding how one should truly seek a wife or husband.
It is necessary that relationships with people of the opposite sex be gracious and filled with the power of God. This can prepare a person for true love — just as grace and the power of God prepared the Virgin Mary for the birth of the Son of God. Here, one can see a certain allegorical parallel.
One can also add more human considerations: if relationships with people are not filled with grace and are not empowered by God, then this will be a kind of weakness for the person. Even if they find another person to marry, either that person will be stronger in this regard, and thus the first may suffer from their own weakness, or both will be weak and both will suffer. Therefore, finding true love becomes quite difficult, though not impossible. More likely, one must expect relationships with a weak person.
Now, if relationships are truly filled with God’s power and are gracious, then a person can find a similar person. Perhaps they will never find true love — after all, the Virgin Mary could also have remained a virgin and not become the Mother of Christ. A miracle was needed for this to happen. In her case, it did indeed occur, but she could have been a virgin all her life, full of grace, with the Lord, but who would not have become the Mother of God. Yet it pleased the Lord and was His will to grant her the motherhood of God.